Fine, I've been saying that for years. But I think I was kind of proud of it, and saw it as being more perceptive than most people, especially those "god damned optimists." The only problem is, I think I was actually limiting myself, by focusing intentionally on the more "intellectual" side of things. Fuck that, I was being Debbie Downer. The dark lining in a silver cloud . (Ok, a bit of a modified version of the real expression, but you get my point.) I really just thought I was better than everyone else. Turns out I'm just being a jerk.
Now, I'm a pretty smart guy. Not a genius by any means, but I get by. Now I just need to figure out what to do with that. All through high school I barely passed, thinking I was smarter than a lot of the teachers, so why should I have to do homework? I knew better than them. If I met myself back then, I would punch myself in the jaw. And this was only two years ago. I don't even know what's wrong with me. All I know now is that I have a future that's brimming with potential, and I can start over, in a sense.
There will always be a part of me that is cynical, but I hope to suppress it when necessary, and enjoy things more. And if this isn't how you saw me, I can use the encouragement.
I love you all.
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